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14 June 2013 @ 10:25 pm
[fic] It's Not What You Say, It's What You Do - Kakashi/Iruka - Oneshot  
[Written 5th November 2007 - Unedited]

Title: It's Not What You Say, It's What You Do.
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka.
Rating: PG.
Summary: Kakashi seems to be going through deep emotional turmoil. Iruka's mopping the floor.


Flopping down onto Iruka’s sofa, heedless of his nudity, Kakashi sighed deeply, raising a hand to push his sopping wet hair from his face. Must Iruka always say those three words to him? In moments of passion, intimacy, even just general moments like when he was grading papers, or Kakashi was sharpening a kunai, Iruka had to voice them. Those three dreaded words.

He added to them sometimes, stuck words onto the beginning or end that halted Kakashi’s actions instantly.

‘I love you, ‘Kashi’

‘I love you, baby’

‘Love you, gorgeous’


Always with that damn smile on his face, like someone had just come and told him that world peace had been found and no harm would ever come to another living soul again.

Kakashi would falter, smile awkwardly and nod his head, unsure what to do. Yet it didn’t bother Iruka, he’d just grin and get back to whatever he was doing at the time. It was infuriating.

Love wasn’t exactly a skill he’d been taught to deal with throughout his years. Killing silently, maiming, torturing, information gathering. Those were things Kakashi knew, could do in a heartbeat, could understand, but love? Foreign concept. Kakashi had been instilled with the knowledge that love was dangerous, something that could be used against you on the battlefield, something that could be the difference between life and death.

Something to be avoided.

So when this tryst, thing … relationship, with Iruka had started Kakashi had thought nothing of it. Sex, for him at the time, had been something to relieve stress. An orgasm for Kakashi was something that killed five minutes of his time and gave him butterflies in his tummy for a few moments afterwards. Love had never factored into it.

“You know, you could’ve grabbed a towel on the way out. They were right by the door. The floor’s all wet now and I’m guessing the sofa you’re sat on isn’t any better.”

Kakashi’s head turned toward the bathroom door. Iruka had exited the shower they had been sharing minutes ago and was now covered in a bathrobe, towel in hand as he mopped up the trail of water Kakashi had deposited as he bolted from bathroom to living room.

Lifting the now soaking towel from the floor Iruka ventured back into the bedroom, most likely to drop it into the dirty laundry hamper, before returning swiftly, hairbrush in hand.

“Why do you say it?” Kakashi’s voice was laced with emotion he couldn’t recognise.

“Hmm? Say what?” Iruka sat cross-legged by the low table, running fingers through his drenched locks to ready them for brushing.

“That … that … ‘I love you’ ” Kakashi practically whispered. Leaning over he tugged the brush from Iruka’s hand and pulled on his arm gently. Knowing the routine intimately, Iruka didn’t waver and slid over to sit between Kakashi’s legs.

“I say it because I mean it. I love you. No other reason”

Kakashi couldn’t easily accept that. Feelings of inadequacy had crept upon him and it made him feel awkward. Silence reigned for a few moments as Kakashi began to gently brush the knots from Iruka’s soft hair.

“But… I never say it to you”

“Is that what made you bolt from the shower?” Iruka chuckled, tilting his head as Kakashi hit a particularly trying tangle. “I know you Kakashi, I know what you’re like, how you think. I don’t need you to say the words ‘I love you’ when I feel them everyday.”

Kakashi’s progress with the brush stopped and he blinked, confused. Iruka twisted around to face him.

“What do you mean?”

“What were you just doing. A second ago” Iruka asked, pointedly.

“Brushing your hair”

“Exactly”

Kakashi was lost. Iruka obviously found this amusing, the scar on his nose curving as he smiled.

“You show me you love me in the things you do everyday Kakashi. You brush my hair when I get out of the shower or I’ve taken it out of the ponytail for bed. If you’re up before me you squirt toothpaste on my toothbrush, ready for when I need it. You learned how to cook proper meals just because I’d mentioned that I thought romantic dinners were a wonderful gesture. We moved in together for goodness sake. I thought that was the biggest way of showing me how you felt ever.”

Iruka‘s words seemed to smack Kakashi right in the face, the last part at least. This wasn’t Iruka’s sofa, it was theirs. He began to wonder if he’d ever taken proper notice of the deep transitions their relationship had gone through over the time they’d been together but his thoughts were halted by Iruka’s continuing speech.

“Like I said. I don’t need to hear the words from you when I feel them all the time. I say ‘I love you’ because I like voicing my emotions out loud. I know you love me because otherwise, we wouldn’t have what we have, we wouldn’t be in it for the long haul like we are.”

Kakashi thought he was generally a smart kind of guy. Give him a few practice sessions with a new weapon and no use of the Sharingan and he still had it mastered in the fastest time. So when Iruka’s words seemed to settle deep within him somewhere and make perfect sense, he found it a little disconcerting to find he’d been so dense about the entire situation.

He’d built a life with this man, this man sat in front of him, smiling at him like he knew exactly what thoughts were going through his head. And in all honesty, he probably did. That still left a tiny problem though.

“I’m happy you feel that way Iruka. Really, really happy.” And he was, he knew one thing for sure, and that was that he never, ever wanted Iruka to feel hurt in anyway. “But… what if I’m never able to say… how I feel.”

“Does it really matter?” Iruka smiled. “I’m happy as we are, perfectly happy, and as long as I have you, mute even, I don’t care.” Standing, Iruka chuckled and ran a hand through Kakashi’s quickly drying hair. “And as much as I really don’t want you to, you need to put some clothes on. If you sit out here naked much longer you’re going to catch a cold”

He stepped to the side, about to walk around the sofa when Kakashi grabbed his hand and, with a yelp, tugged Iruka on top of him. With a lopsided smile, Kakashi leaned up through the fan of Iruka’s open hair and pressed a tender kiss to the Chunnin’s lips.

“As long as you’re here, pressed up against me like this, I can catch as many colds as I like”

Iruka blushed gently and smiled.

“I love you too”.